In and out. 

It’s been a long night today. I lie here thinking of you. I miss running my hands through your hair and your grip as you hold me. I’m so in love with you, I feel there’s no space for any feeling bar this. There’s this scent of yours, in all of your naturality, I can’t explain it, it’s like a mixture of sunshine and musk. I miss it the most. The stars remind me of you, walks remind me of you, songs remind me of you, your faint essence in my clothes remind me of you. I’m imperfect, but all my imperfections are in love with you. These cracks in my heart are in love with you. My chapped lips are in love with you. My numb fingers are in love with you. My tingling toes are in love with you. My cold face is in love with you. My open arms are in love with you. My wind ridden nape is in love with you. If I say you occupy a portion of my heart, will you know I’m lying? I used to think it was a dead organ in terms of feelings. But then you came along. Will you know that the heart in my chest, in all its entirety, belongs to you. Tonight if you come begging me to give it to you, I’d gladly tell you that it’s something that’s belonged to you for a long time already now. My love, I’ve never been in love like this before. It scares me, you scare me, I scare me. I write these words I’d never thought I would pen for a human. You’re in my veins, touching everything in your wake. Don’t wonder if I love you. Wonder if I’ve always loved you all this long or if my heart falls in love with you every single day. And I’ll tell you that the answer is both, it will always be both. I don’t want forever with you. I want forever, everyday.  I’m all yours, you’re capable of love, and even more, I’m all yours.

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Bleak Savior

It looms
This sense of dread
Wrong choices
Bitter thoughts

Heart crippling words
Two days of love
Pristine grime
Filthy thoughts

Temporary joy
Perpetual lows
Instant pleasure
Lost thoughts

High hopes
Austere prospects
Unreturned words
Void thoughts

Yet we wish
For an end not so bleak
For something worth a save
And thoughts filled deep
Hypocritical oxymoron.

When did we forget to ‘human’?

Who do you trust? To stick by you forever? To hold your hand when the going gets tough? With your secrets and your story? Who do you trust with your words?

I don’t remember when we turned into the people we have become today. We prioritize ourselves over everything so much that we’ve forgotten that other people have stories they haven’t trusted us with. That just because you’re having it bad, doesn’t mean someone else couldn’t be having it worse. When did we forget to be humane? When did we start judging people based on their outer appearance and their sense of a foreign language? When did we forget that simple difference between want and need? When did we cross that line between hoping and praying? Do we not see or recognize love anymore? Have we become so accustomed to anguish and detriment that we refuse to see the good in life? When did we stop reaching for the stars? When did we learn to settle?

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When did we start realizing that it’s not the good that comes after the bad but the bad that follows the good? Or the bad that follows the bad? When did we stop caring about how we cause pain through our simple everyday actions and words? When did we start giving pain priority over relationships? When did we stop receiving love? When did we stop accepting it? Who taught us to analyze and be wary of the good people did for us? When did we start talking behind people but never to their faces? When did we forget to be kind? To be good people? When DID we forget to be kind?

Who did this to us? Who let you become this person? Who let us? When? When did we start hiding behind our screens on social media? When did we start thinking that we wielded the power to hurt people through that? How did we get here when we need the world’s approval on ourselves? When did we stop being perfect for our parents? When did we realize that the world isn’t good? Who gave us the power to believe that we matter, but others don’t? Just when did we decide that material things mattered more than people? When did we start believing that anger was more important than friendship? When did we stop forgiving? Forgiving ourselves? Who brought us together? What brought you here?

When did we forget to forgive? When did we forget to love?
When did we forget to ask the right questions?
When did we forget to human?

Again, Again.

For who are we
If not remnants of the broken and bruised
Ripped souls, torn in two
Kind hearts beaten black and blue

Lost eyes betraying thoughts
Of a love lost
Of loves lost
Again and again. And again.

Never again.
Again. Again. And again.
Gone.
Just like that.
Gone.
Gone, again.

Flickers, Destruction.

Raw smiles, still fading, behind those curtains
the ones we forgot to close
for the realm to see, naked and bare
slithering, stopping, waiting to stare

Hiding away in those shadows
no place to disappear, no place aside
the sun’s bright brilliance all the time
when not, just too many lights

Like the Liberty, towering and proud
shards of cement and stone inside
smile, laugh, the pretense so loud
so many restrictions, no rules to abide

Hoary clothes, cobwebs, grime in the eyes
blink back the sting, the show is not over yet
all they can see is the facade of the shine
the polished cheek, the torn colored lips, unwept

They come, they stare, they touch, they fondle
no place to feel a bit of bliss, no short escape
some prescriptions here and there, a bundle
but, even breathless, they stop to gape.

Brazen, Placid.

On our way back home

Somewhere between the ten thousand miles

The miles I traveled

With you

 

We got lost,

Things changed again and again

Words weren’t good enough those days

Souls were too tired to stay

 

Plenty of wishes

The sky brazen with fire

The sun came up though

Placid desire

 

Lungs filled with hope

The air clean and pure

Feet floating above the ground

The bodies lay bare                      

 

Crossroads pointed to another way

In our dreams we loped

Which way did we choose?

In our hearts we hoped

 

 

Things changed, we got lost

That was on our way back home              

This story seems incomplete

For, the whole journey I traveled alone.

 

Points, Deviation.

Beauty and chaos. Collision of the worlds.

Turn, turn, turns
Blank mind, stifled voices
Here, there, here
Point of so many choices?

Can, can, can’t
Reasons unknown, violent thoughts
Try, don’t, try
Intentions never taught

Look, look, stop
Poison and wine, drained minds
Close, open, close
Too many unknown blinds

Speak, speak, bind
Question unasked, memories beset
Live, die, live
Let nothing in a stone set

Float, float, drown
Commands and ideas, unhinged decisions
Make, destroy, make
Nothing but collisions.