It’s been a long night today. I lie here thinking of you. I miss running my hands through your hair and your grip as you hold me. I’m so in love with you, I feel there’s no space for any feeling bar this. There’s this scent of yours, in all of your naturality, I can’t explain it, it’s like a mixture of sunshine and musk. I miss it the most. The stars remind me of you, walks remind me of you, songs remind me of you, your faint essence in my clothes remind me of you. I’m imperfect, but all my imperfections are in love with you. These cracks in my heart are in love with you. My chapped lips are in love with you. My numb fingers are in love with you. My tingling toes are in love with you. My cold face is in love with you. My open arms are in love with you. My wind ridden nape is in love with you. If I say you occupy a portion of my heart, will you know I’m lying? I used to think it was a dead organ in terms of feelings. But then you came along. Will you know that the heart in my chest, in all its entirety, belongs to you. Tonight if you come begging me to give it to you, I’d gladly tell you that it’s something that’s belonged to you for a long time already now. My love, I’ve never been in love like this before. It scares me, you scare me, I scare me. I write these words I’d never thought I would pen for a human. You’re in my veins, touching everything in your wake. Don’t wonder if I love you. Wonder if I’ve always loved you all this long or if my heart falls in love with you every single day. And I’ll tell you that the answer is both, it will always be both. I don’t want forever with you. I want forever, everyday. I’m all yours, you’re capable of love, and even more, I’m all yours.
Who do you trust? To stick by you forever? To hold your hand when the going gets tough? With your secrets and your story? Who do you trust with your words?
I don’t remember when we turned into the people we have become today. We prioritize ourselves over everything so much that we’ve forgotten that other people have stories they haven’t trusted us with. That just because you’re having it bad, doesn’t mean someone else couldn’t be having it worse. When did we forget to be humane? When did we start judging people based on their outer appearance and their sense of a foreign language? When did we forget that simple difference between want and need? When did we cross that line between hoping and praying? Do we not see or recognize love anymore? Have we become so accustomed to anguish and detriment that we refuse to see the good in life? When did we stop reaching for the stars? When did we learn to settle?
When did we start realizing that it’s not the good that comes after the bad but the bad that follows the good? Or the bad that follows the bad? When did we stop caring about how we cause pain through our simple everyday actions and words? When did we start giving pain priority over relationships? When did we stop receiving love? When did we stop accepting it? Who taught us to analyze and be wary of the good people did for us? When did we start talking behind people but never to their faces? When did we forget to be kind? To be good people? When DID we forget to be kind?
Who did this to us? Who let you become this person? Who let us? When? When did we start hiding behind our screens on social media? When did we start thinking that we wielded the power to hurt people through that? How did we get here when we need the world’s approval on ourselves? When did we stop being perfect for our parents? When did we realize that the world isn’t good? Who gave us the power to believe that we matter, but others don’t? Just when did we decide that material things mattered more than people? When did we start believing that anger was more important than friendship? When did we stop forgiving? Forgiving ourselves? Who brought us together? What brought you here?
When did we forget to forgive? When did we forget to love?
When did we forget to ask the right questions?
When did we forget to human?